Podcast

Anonymous says:

I was really interested in what Dr. Bischof had to say and I really respect him for taking into account both the trans and cis partner’s perspectives and feelings. As a cis partner I definitely feel neglected and unheard a lot of the time and feel as though I am walking on eggshells in order to not be deemed transphobic just for having a hard time coming to terms with my long term partner changing in such a dramatic way. It would be great to be able to feel comfortable having the space for my feelings but I don’t feel like I’m allowed most of the time. It’s very isolating going through this alone and it would be nice if there weren’t such black and white opinions on the subject in general.

I understand that this group’s initial focus was on heterosexual partners coming to terms with their newly out gay/lesbian/bi partners but I don’t think using the term straight spouse really fits with people going through what I am. Gender identity is separate from sexual identity. I don’t like that even after being corrected, the host continued to use that term. It also made me uncomfortable when she said that being a trans woman is a paraphilia and that they are into autogynephilia. It really revealed that the host is actually a bigot in sheeps clothing who needs to do some critical self-reflection.

susan relic says:

I shuddered at the end when he announced he was teaching a graduate course on transgender couple therapy! Such superficiality and lack of knowledge about the whole trans debate. Kristin, you did a marvellous job of exposing his lack of rigour. You would be so much better as a counsellor! He may or may not be good at “ordinary” couples therapy but a quick immersion in trans issues (mainly immersed in trans ideology) does not an expert make. I hope the interview taught him something.

anon says:

This podcast was amazing! I was with the person who he had never intended to come out to. His brother knew but obviously kept it as if he was/is his brothers keeper… The reveal was like someone had killed a part of me. Of course I felt every emotion and am still trying to process it. I don’t believe time heals all wounds……

Anon. says:

I found this a fascinating listen and am recommending it to all my friends! I am both psychologically minded, and a Christian. I picked up on several points from Ev that crystallize my own beliefs around forgiveness, and I also learnt lots! Even though forgiveness is really at the heart of the Christian gospel, I had lots to learn about it in practice over the last few years.
For context, my gay ex-husband and I now have a good relationship (14 years married, 2 kids, 1 year separated, and now 1 year divorced). It has certainly taken lots of work for us both to reach this reconciliation- and certainly it is a work in progress. The secular relationships counsellor we saw when we first separated did not understand at all! But I’m so grateful that my faith has given me the resources to be able to forgive- both for his sake and for mine.

Teresa Upton says:

A really interesting podcast thanks – leaves a lot to think about around the subject of forgiveness.
After over 12 years, a long absence and then a reconciliation as friends, I feel I’ve gone a long way along this route. I find I’ve forgiven the 16 year old who entered into a relationship with me, especially as we had for the most part a very happy marriage and four lovely children. I found it helpful to think of the boy rather than the man when it came to forgiving him and understanding his dilemma.

Theresa Wangeman says:

I’ve been working on the process of forgiveness in therapy. It is a process. My process hasn’t been as long as others, I’m not sure why? My therapist tells me that it’s because I’m resilient. I think that coming to terms with my situation and letting go of the fears that come with it has allowed me to move forward more quickly. I had to remind myself over and over that forgiveness is not saying that the betrayal was okay, instead, it’s saying that it was NOT okay, but I forgive you anyway. My divorce will be final tomorrow. I’ve come a long way thanks to therapy, friends, and ourpath!

Terri says:

Thank you for allowing us a glimpse into your life and the life of your husband Terry(sp?. I am just starting down the path of discovery after finding out my husband is bisexual or gay and very much closeted. I an still trying to find some sense of reality.

I am so sad about all that Terry went through and how difficult it must have been for you. I understand the approach of accepting things and moving on. The logical, academic mind seems to create this type of trajectory. We think our emotions have been spent in quick fashion, but they linger in the shadows waiting
to be heard.

Karen says:

Lynn, your message means so much to me! I’m so glad my story resonated with you. It’s always amazed me how much all of our stories are so different, and yet they are all so much the same. 33 years of marriage is such a long time! I’m glad you’ve found your people now… we hear and get you.

Lynn says:

I have been listening to your Podcast since I found it last summer after discovering my husband is gay after 33 years of marriage and 3 children. I felt so alone until I started listening and felt I had found my people. This particular episode with Karen Slater really spoke to me and was such a familiar story. I felt like she was telling my story. Please pass this onto Karen she has really made me feel seen and understood.
Thank you and please keep doing what you are doing; it is so important to many of us.
Lynn

Teresa Upton says:

An interesting episode – I think the point about what having a partner who isn’t attracted to you sexually does to your self-image is something I’ve really observed over the years. It is something we can rectify but this takes time and a lot of positive affirmation. This affects both men and women who have had an LGBT partner/spouse.