Founder Amity Pierce Buxton welcomes you to OurPath, formerly known as the Straight Spouse Network. Watch to learn about our organization’s recommitment to our founding mission.
When my spouse came out as transgender, it was the most scary, lonely, unpredictable, and heartbreaking time of my life. I had no one who could understand my complex struggle. My Support Contact was calm and nonjudgmental. She provided a sense of normalcy and acceptance when nothing made sense in my world. Thanks, OurPath!
I discovered that my wife of 15 years and the mother of our three children had been involved in a secret same-sex affair with a family friend. It was like an atomic bomb had been dropped on my life, our family and our children. At first, I thought it was impossible for my wife to be LGBT+ because we had created a beautiful family together. After months of personal turmoil and countless Internet searches, I discovered OurPath and attended a local in-person Group Meeting. I met many other Straight Partners who also had children with their LGBT+ partners. We shared our stories, and I discovered that I was not alone. My wife and I are now divorced, but we continue to co-parent our beautiful children. Without OurPath’s incredible support offerings, I doubt that I would have found my path forward.
I can’t thank you enough for producing your podcast series featuring Partners of Trans People. I shared it with another friend whose spouse also came out as trans. We both commented on how “normal” the episodes made us feel. We are not alone – or unique- in our feelings and experiences navigating our partner’s gender transitions. I cried a lot through these episodes and felt validated listening to these women talk about their experiences and feelings. Thank you for giving space to the spouses of trans people – we don’t feel like we are allowed to ask for it in this incredibly important time in our spouses’ lives, but we need it so much.
OurPath became like family to me. They helped me validate what I already knew but was afraid to admit to myself. They were always there for me. From the first contact (I received a phone call within 24 hours!), through my struggles in separating from my spouse, to providing emotional support whenever needed. Eventually, I got my life and my hope in love back. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I couldn’t have done it without OurPath.
When I first discovered my wife’s true orientation, I was devastated. I felt unable to talk to anyone close to me about the situation. After months of severe stress and emotional difficulty, I found Amity Pierce Buxton’s book The Other Side of the Closet. I finally knew I was not alone! I contacted OurPath and was able to get support. I went to an in-person meeting and I honestly believe this group saved my life. I cannot overstate how much it helped me to be able to talk about my situation with others who understood and shared my grief.
I didn’t tell anyone what happened in my marriage, and the longer I kept the secret the harder it felt to imagine telling. I spent years enduring depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I was aware of OurPath but was too afraid to make a contact. Then I listened to the OurVoices podcast and that changed everything. I heard voices that sounded like my own, and a story that sounded like mine. Then I knew I had to contact OurPath and get support. Now I have access to support groups and ongoing conversation. OurPath became a safe place to share my story and say things aloud that I thought I would never be able to say.
When my life blew apart 11 years ago, I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t know anyone who had been through what I was going through. I didn’t know any resources were available. In a moment when I could get myself out of the haze of confusion, I did a Google search for something like “people with gay spouses.” OurPath was the first link that popped up. For the first time I had access to people who knew exactly what I was going through. The local Support Contact arranged an in-person meeting for me with four other ladies and I realized I was not alone, and that I would make it through this crisis. I can say that finding OurPath truly saved my life.
OurPath saved me from self-destructing. I was happily married for 20 years with three great kids, when my wife left me for her partner. It was really hard. For almost a year, I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about this. When I finally reached out to OurPath for help, my Support Contact listened for hours. That was the tipping point that helped me move forward.
My husband died suddenly in a bath house. When I learned the truth about our marriage, I was in a daze. I found OurPath online, contacted them, and was referred to a support group. I went faithfully for a number of years. Just being with people who had similar marital experiences and feelings was a huge help. Reading books on the subject, starting with Amity Buxton’s book, The Other Side of the Closet, was an enormous comfort. Ultimately, I became a support Group Leader and I aim to provide the same level of support I received.
When I discovered my ex-husband was cheating on me with men, I was devastated. I truly felt like my world turned upside down. After months of back and forth, begging for forgiveness, he finally admitted to me that he was gay. I was lost. I kept all of the pain to myself and told no one. I remember thinking to myself, “Am I the only one who married a gay man?” Then I found OurPath. I immediately connected with folks, both in person and online, who shared my experiences and my pain. There’s nothing like connecting with real people who get what you’re going through. My life has never been the same, and it has changed the whole trajectory of my healing.
Guest: Libby Sinback
2/3 of Mixed Orientation Couples will try to stay together post disclosure or discovery. Often they try opening their relationships as a way to keep their families together. Guest Libby Sinback is the host of the Making Polyamory Work Podcast. She gives us a 101 tutorial on open relationships, and how to proceed with mindfulness, respect, and realistic expectations.
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Get the latest blog, read stories of Mixed Orientation Relationships in the media, and find announcements from OurPath.
By Kelly Wilkins “You know, you’re going to have to forgive him soon. You won’t be able to live with yourself otherwise.” I know this person meant well. I…
Find books, blogs, websites, articles, and videos with diverse stories and resources about Mixed Orientation Relationships, partners coming out as LGBT+ within a relationship, and navigating life post discovery or disclosure. These resources can help you discover your path moving forward. (For OurPath’s proprietary resources go to the Our Voices page).