08 – Voices Podcast

CLA says:

Thank you!!!

Kevin says:

This blew my mind at how accurate it was to my story!

Rebecca says:

Play by play I could identify with everything said

Shelly Williams says:

Thank you for this much better and more honest explanation of the name change. I believe in the work that Amity has made her life work. Loved her explanation of the goals she wants for the organization. Though her expression “eliminate heterosexualism” sounds like she wants to eliminate me. I believe, but will stand corrected if she meant differently, is that it refers to the bias that only heterosexualism should exist (anti LGBT sentiments)
Re: the logo. I do like it because it is eerily similar to Hecate’s wheel. Hecate was, among other things, the protector of Households. But more Importantly, she is the Goddess of crossroads. Her symbol is tge labyrinth. When you get to a crossroads, you make an offering to her. After being a Str8 fir going on 12 years, realizing my x was gay and having affairs was a major crossroad in my life. I was forced to make lots of decisions I never planned. And since he refuses to “come out” publicly or acknowledge the harm caused, I’m still stuck half in (as are my children) his closet

Sage Brook says:

I just did a talk at my Unitarian Church on my trauma related to finding out my husband of 23 yrs was gay. I did come out of the depths to rebirth of a new me. Yes we separated for 3 years, then began to live together again as a mixed-orientation couple for another 34 yrs. I was the facilitator of a straight spouse group in Charlotte nc for more than 20 years.

Lot Balonem Polska says:

Reading your articles is always a learning experience. This one was no exception. Great job!

Tania says:

but you could love a man so how can you say you didnt have the capicity to love your wife Really ????

Kate says:

Ryan, What is the down low homosexual community doing about the spread of disease? There is a great health concern for women because of men who give women std’s and sti’s as a result of their down low behavior. HPV isn’t even a test men get regularly and can affect women much greater than men. A woman would have no idea that their husband was exposing them and likely the men would have no idea either and yet they can get cancer and/or pass on the disease themselves for the rest of their lives especially if they didn’t get a vaccine in early childhood and even with the vaccine. HIV rates in black women particularly are skyrocketing because of the down low behavior of men as well. It’s not just gay behavior, but gay men on the down low tend to have the most number of partners when cheating. Often these diseases don’t even show up on tests for months after the exposure.

Colicagadopues says:

Thank You for this truth, I cannot explain how my heart and being needed to find this tonight as I couldn’t sleep and have just been so alone. After 11 years he left now sleeping on an air mattress rather than deal with his “angry” raging wife. Left his daughters too. No remorse, lying pathologically, obsessed with his new Male “cock jocks”, Gay activity… he can manipulate anyone.. He’s really a Viper. I Built a successful business with him and he’s trying to push me out. He stole my years, used, me and is only ever on stage…always a Victim,, everyone just loves him. Here I am taking care of the kids while he just Parties his ass off… midlife crisis mixed with being gay, still not out. I know and the wound of nonconsideration… is the greatest hurt for me. They are so selfish, they don’t care only for themselves.. Yes I am a codependent now I working on being Selfishly Independent!!! But from everything I am, I am so grateful for this Pod Cast… it is my life.

Winnie says:

I’m sorry it has taken so long to reply to this thread.. But yes! I would be happy for you to give insight on the forum..

Winnie says:

Hello Sean,

Ironically my GHID name is Sean.. ha..
I have read a lot of your posts and just listened to “Narcissist in Recovery” on the pod cast. It was very insightful and basically script for my life…
My nightmare started about 13 years ago… meaning that is when I found “gay” evidence. I had already been with my husband for 18 years and we have three daughters. After my third daughter was born, my husband began an affair with a woman and left me.. I was devastated… He was gone for a year before he came back saying he wanted to be a family again. I didn’t hesitate and let him come back immediately. I valued my marriage and family so much I was willing to forgive him. About a month after he came back, I was snooping on the computer to make sure he wasn’t still communicating with the “other” woman. What I found has changed my life forever. Gay porn, Craigs list hook ups, etc… I could have handled it very different but I started screaming and crying and asking him what it was. He said it was phase, something weird to look at. The comment that struck me the most was “I will never admit to being gay”….
This story could go on forever, because I stayed in the marriage for 8 more loooooonnnnnngggggg years. I tried to bargain with myself, and tried to believe I could live with this information but it was absolute torture. A couple years after his return and the revelation of this information, he began a cocaine habit and constant alcohol abuse. Suicide was brought up often and I was actually afraid if I “outed” him or told anyone he would kill himself, or me, or both…. I lived in his dark closet of demons for 8 years until I got the courage to leave. He said he didn’t blame me.. because of all of the substance abuse.. never bringing up the “gay thing”. Actually we never spoke of it during those eight years, it was buried but an unspoken knowledge between us.. We had separate bedrooms the last five years and any kind of sexual attempt ended in him going limp…our marriage was a disaster. I have been gone for 4 and half years now but I have not abandoned him. We still do all family things together, vacations, holidays and birthdays with our children. We are mighty confusing to our loved ones because they have no idea why we won’t live together. Only he and I know this information.. He is extremely generous financially as he has always been the breadwinner and I was a stay at home mom. He still takes care of us very very well. But we live separate lives. I have not dated or been intimate with another man since I left.. I don’t know why… but I feel like he would cut me off financially. I have also pretty much shut down my sexual side after being rejected so continuously the last years of my marriage. Finally getting to my dilemma!!! lol! Until now, I have been fine not knowing what he does in his personal life because I don’t want to know and it’s no longer my business.. I have assumed he is living the “down low” life. But he has not openly dated anyone…. until now… He is dating a woman quite seriously and is pushing a divorce and acting like he is giving me too much money (did I mention we are not divorced?). We live separately but have never filed for divorce. How can he be dating a woman???? I’m not jealous of the sexual part, but she now is meeting my kids and encroaching on our family time… I’m so mad at him for doing this. How long can he keep this up??? How can he keep this relationship alive with this new person??? They have been dating 5 months now and it doesn’t look like she is going anywhere… I could go on and on but I think I’m about to hit the character limit!! Thank you for reading 😉

Nicky says:

A big thank you to Ryan King for being so unhindered and honest about his role and intentions in his marriage with his ex-straight partner. It does feel that no matter how much a straight spouse speaks about their experiences that no one is actually listening or believing. The painful stage show that goes on in front of people and behind closed doors is real and Ryan’s frank admission is somewhat a validation to my own suffering for which I never ever got an acknowledgment or apology.
Ryan I applaud you and hope other men/women in the same position can be inspired by your honesty and choose the better path.

Teresa Upton says:

I found this very interesting and it underlined much of what I’ve learnt over ten years of hearing straight spouse histories but it made me rather annoyed . Annoyed because Ryan seems to be trying to own our story, give us permission to feel what we feel and curry favour with us, his straight audience. I appreciate the additional insight his admissions give but he seems to feel uniquely qualified to speak for both the gay community and the straights who have suffered this. Somehow this affronts me.

I noticed a mention of loss of control being difficult for the gay partner. I think that’s a key point. We often see very difficult behaviour when they start to feel a loss of control. There’s a huge need to control in many of these relationships.

I’d also love to ask him what he’d say to women who stayed childless with their gay husband, going beyond their child bearing years too – not a pain I suffered personally – but a very real crime against the women who suffered this particular loss because they did want children. It can’t be put right.

Caresa says:

Thank you for sharing your story of faith. We were also both military (active duty and reserves). When you said your faith and your children kept you alive, that also resonated with me.