S4 Ep 3: A “Narcissist in Recovery” Gets Real

Guest: Ryan King

Ryan King knew he was gay from the time he was six years old. Despite this, he married a woman. In this double-length episode, Ryan sheds light on the abusive, narcissistic tactics he used to keep his unsuspecting wife trapped in their affectionless marriage, in the hope that other Straight Partners will recognize the signs of a closeted spouse. Under the pseudonym “Sean,” he created the thread “A Gay Ex-Husband Answers Your Questions” on the Open Forum specifically to answer Straight Partner questions about patterns of behavior common to some closeted partners.


5 responses to “S4 Ep 3: A “Narcissist in Recovery” Gets Real”

  1. Amy Alliston says:

    Thank you so much. I have never heard any of this from the non-straight male spouse and everything she said is exactly my experience. Our long and tortuous divorce began in 2012! Yes, I am divorced but I am so very angry so thank you for addressing and justifying that issue. I also want to say Ryan is not a narcissist. My ex is a narcissist and he never would and never will have any of the types of conversations that Ryan has here or describes having with his wife and her family. Maybe there are different types of narcissists? My ex is viscous which I think makes it that much harder for me and others who have truly had to deal with that addition evil layer.

  2. Teresa Upton says:

    I found this very interesting and it underlined much of what I’ve learnt over ten years of hearing straight spouse histories but it made me rather annoyed . Annoyed because Ryan seems to be trying to own our story, give us permission to feel what we feel and curry favour with us, his straight audience. I appreciate the additional insight his admissions give but he seems to feel uniquely qualified to speak for both the gay community and the straights who have suffered this. Somehow this affronts me.

    I noticed a mention of loss of control being difficult for the gay partner. I think that’s a key point. We often see very difficult behaviour when they start to feel a loss of control. There’s a huge need to control in many of these relationships.

    I’d also love to ask him what he’d say to women who stayed childless with their gay husband, going beyond their child bearing years too – not a pain I suffered personally – but a very real crime against the women who suffered this particular loss because they did want children. It can’t be put right.

  3. Stef says:

    I love this interview and the speaker that is invited. I like the knowledge they both have but would have loved Ryan talking much more and the interviewer intervening more to steer the interview then bringing her own story, although it Is as interesting. Maybe an interview of 40 min would have been much more comprehensive and full of info because then you can re-listen to it. Now it is a 2 hour podcast and that is quite long. But love the info and love the setup so thanks for bringing this to everyone’s attention. Keep on doing this please!

  4. Nicky says:

    A big thank you to Ryan King for being so unhindered and honest about his role and intentions in his marriage with his ex-straight partner. It does feel that no matter how much a straight spouse speaks about their experiences that no one is actually listening or believing. The painful stage show that goes on in front of people and behind closed doors is real and Ryan’s frank admission is somewhat a validation to my own suffering for which I never ever got an acknowledgment or apology.
    Ryan I applaud you and hope other men/women in the same position can be inspired by your honesty and choose the better path.

  5. Kelli Rakers says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this story. While I may never get the answers from my ex-husband, this echoed so much of my experience and was very validating.

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