Straight Talk Blog

Where do you go from here?

If you’ve come to this site, chances are good that you’re wondering about the sexual orientation or gender identity of your romantic partner, or your partner has just disclosed their LGBT+ orientation or identity to you.

We can help. We’ve been there too.

It can be terrifying in the early days after discovery or your partner’s disclosure. You may not know where to turn. It is our hope that in the posts, podcasts, and references on this site, you may find the guideposts you need to help you on your journey.

OurPath, formerly the Straight Spouse Network, is a 30-year-old international organization that provides personal, confidential support and information to heterosexual spouses/partners (current or former) of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates, as well as to mixed-orientation or transgender/non-transgender couples for constructively resolving coming-out problems.

We ourselves are Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People (current and former) of LGBT+ people. We come together as OurPath to empower Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People to cope constructively with disclosure or discovery, to move through their emotional journey, and to heal. We also work on a broader level to raise awareness of the experiences of Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People, the impacts coming out has on families, and promote access to support. 

Core to our mission is also the building of bridges between spouses, within families and with the larger community through support, education and advocacy.

We’ve lived with the aftermath of disclosure or discovery, and helped one another and our communities to come to a better understanding of what it means to have been or be part of a Mixed Orientation Relationship, and how to move on from disclosure or discovery into honest, open lives.

It is said that grief isn’t a straight line, it’s a spiral. Even when it seems like you’re revisiting the same place countless times, you’re actually on a journey to find your way out. Even if it seems like the road is taking your farther away from your healing, it is always taking you closer. 

Your current or former partner’s path is their path. You get a path, too. And you get to choose how you’ll walk it. We’ll be with you, every step of the way.

Your path is waiting for you. Welcome to OurPath.


6 responses to “Where do you go from here?”

  1. Cherise says:

    I’m so glad to find this. My husband of 15 years came out to me as bi 5 years ago, but now it’s becoming clearer to me that he is gay. I am 63 and he is 67. We had a robust sex life. I am so confused. I fear we are headed to divorce in what I thought would be our golden years. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.

  2. PrairieBorn says:

    What a treasure to have found you. You have given a voice to a community of individuals that for the most part, think that they are entirely alone in all of this. Blessings to you all, you are a beam of light in the darkness!

  3. Donna Peterson says:

    We recently had our 32nd wedding anniversary but sadly there isn’t any celebrating. For the last 4-1/2 years I’ve tried really hard to hold our marriage together but I constantly learn of BETRAYAL and LIES. He swears up and down that he’s not gay and blames the +\~ 50 hookups as retaliation for sexual abuse during his childhood. Long story short… even with the Covenant Eyes software… I find that he views (almost) naked gay men. I’ve been his “beard” for 36 years and I’m exhausted. HOW DO I proceed when he REFUSES to?

  4. Ana Katsuya says:

    And finally, I’ve found home. Thank you!

  5. Penny says:

    I am truly lost today, physically shaken. My husband of 32 years came to me last week and confessed that the last five years he’s been living his gay life. He proceeded to dump on me every hook up, every experience, every orgy in detail. What do I do with the lies, the betrayal? I love him and he loves me. He assures me he wants to stay married, but he would just be having sex with men whenever he wanted, and I am free to do whatever I want. He also wants to have sex with me (pity sex I’m sure). Can anyone tell me …. can my marriage survive? Has yours and if yes how?

    • Kristin Kalbli says:

      Hello Penny,

      We are so sorry you are going through this. We have been there too. Have you made a support request through out website? If not, we highly recommend it so we can get you some one on one or group support. Simply go to this page and fill out a support request and we will connect you with direct support.

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