Guest: The Chump Lady, Tracy Schorn
The Chump Lady talks about cheating, double lives and closets (of all kinds), and the toll being a chump can take on a person. With trademark frankness and wit, Tracy cuts through the nonsense, and calls a spade a spade: cheating is relationship abuse, according to Tracy, and she tells us exactly why.
Loved the comments about “forgiveness”. Like….why should it be expected that the straightspouse forgive?
And that it’s totally okay to not be magnanimous about it.
I need to listen to it again. I’m this close to separating. It’s a scary, unsettling time
BRAVO👏👏👏👏I so feel like someone gets me and validates the absolute devastation and bitterness for the straight spouse I’m so tired of the ones that were supposed to love me, yet dismiss me because I’m a bit broken longer than they’d like. I’m looked at like I am foolish for not forgiving my gay closeted x. You hit the mail on the head -what am I forgiving ? He’s never admitted it yet I have pages and pages of data printed out. Thank you so much, I was thinking I must be in the wrong for feeling this way.
Really glad to see OurVoices back Kristin – a good one to kick off with. Important points on forgiveness- yes or no, financial focus being the stuff of lawyers (not emotional stuff) and of course lots on the hurt of being cheated on, regardless of sexuality
Thank you so much for shining a light on Tracy Schorn’s amazing work. After discovery I read many books by and for straight spouses. While they were all helpful at some level, discovering Tracy was the turning point for me. Her book, blogs and social media put me on a fast track to healing and taking care of the necessary business of protecting my self, my family, and my assets. Three years out from DDay I am happily moving forward to the new chapter of me at age 66. I am forever grateful for her.
Thank you for this guest – I’ve have found her blog the most useful resource going through the straight spouse experience for the past 3 years- – we were betrayed….its refreshing to to hear someone say we can be upset and be justified…..this makes it easier to move forward and not continue the victimization of the spouse……to me cheating and betrayal is the real issue not orientation – if you read what people in heterogenous relations comment in her blog – its the same kind of comments- my life was stolen from me, how could this happen, i loved this person etc….they say the exact same things…..thanks again
I am a big fan of Tracy & I am a therapist. I have recommended her book to many clients & I am as blunt as she is about cheating behavior being abusive, My clients are relieved when they don’t have to carry the burden of their partner’s deception & hurtful actions. I also wholeheartedly agree that forgiveness should not be pushed. It is a personal decision & is not needed to move forward in a healthy way. Thank you for this podcast! I enjoyed listening. Empowering victims is far reaching & important!!
Thank you for this insightful conversation. I really appreciate the clarity and empathy of Chump Lady Tracy Schorn, as well as her humour and practical advice.
Wow, You delivered healing medicine in this podcast. I have been fretting for over a week about a recent doctor visit. Most of my health issues have been resolved w/the exception of weight gain. My Internist believes in Integrative Medicine and quizzed me about family relationships. I told her that I was angry about my ex-husband’s many betrayals and fraud. Many members of my family refuse to acknowledge the harm that my ex-husband’s double life caused me during 28 years of marriage. They say that I’m bitter. My doctor said that she had noticed that about me too. She said that I needed HELP. I asked about a therapy group she had referred me to in the past, and she refused to identify anyone in the group who might help me. She thinks that I need to acknowledge my need to change my attitude, and then call her for a referral. I’m finding a new doctor. I think I triggered something in her. Her whole personality changed. It was upsetting. I was sitting on her examining table with nothing on but a paper gown and she’s making negative judgments about me to my face. Ridiculous! This podcast reaffirmed what I know to be true, while my doctor denies my grief and insults me. That’s on her. It’s not on me. I’m moving on. There are lots of good nonjudgmental docs out there.
Nope. What’s wrong with people. Especially the medical profession. We have been victimized. .
What a healing balm this podcast has been. I was married to a deeply closeted gay man for 28 years. I married at 20 having a pure and innocent view of the world. I was deeply wounded by him and 25 years after his death I am still dealing with the effects of his double life. I didn’t deserve what he put me through. Two years after he died I was treated for breast cancer. I wonder if it was because of all the stress I was under for so many years. He had secret bank accounts in other towns and he left me with thousands of dollars in debt. Others have told me to forgive him but I cannot and this podcast explains so clearly why I don’t have to. That, in itself, is liberating. Life now is very good. I came through wounded but still here.
Thank you, thank you for this podcast. It has made a difference in my life.
I’m absolutely sick of In the closet Gays’ receiving sympathy & understanding, yet we straight spouse don’t receive any empathy, respect & understanding, In fact it’s the opposite.
If my lying husband apologized to me ( if he could ever admit who & what he is’ ) I couldn’t forgive him. He destroyed all trust’ love’ intimacy the Day he said I Do & knowing he desired a Man, & continued to lye for years & year’s living his double life. I’m bitter & broken 🥲
What a wonderful Podcast, Tracy you hit on everything. when I hear your views I’m feeling a release of gratitude & thankfulness towards you for completely understanding. What did the name of your Group & Book.
This was so good!!!
OMG – this episode was just what I needed. I suddenly feel validated and have the courage AND the vocabulary to confront my spouse. Thank you Thank you Thank you
OMG – this episode was just what I needed. I suddenly feel validated and have the courage AND the vocabulary to confront my spouse. Thank you Thank you Thank you
OMG – this episode was just what I needed. I suddenly feel validated and have the courage AND the vocabulary to confront my spouse. Thank you Thank you Thank you