05 – Resources for Straight Partners

Author Maggie Kneip finds the strength to live with unanswered questions in the face of her husband’s death from AIDS.

James enjoys an idyllic life with his wife, Molly, and their teenage daughter, so when Molly announces she would like to pursue her growing sexual interest in women, all James can think about is the ménage a trois that is sure to come his way. He gives his enthusiastic approval for Molly to act on her desire. An open marriage, however, is a minefield, and as James and Molly attempt to navigate the dangerous new terrain, James begins to feel alienated and left behind. After a series of disastrous sex parties and hotel hookups, he spirals into depression and despair, and when their daughter discovers evidence of her mother’s extracurricular activities, he must finally face the heartbreaking truth. Author: James Chapman.

Author Kelly Wilkins shares what it was like to live in her husband’s closet, without knowing it.

Delivering the first frank and thorough investigation of life “on the down low” (the DL), J. L. King exposes a closeted culture of sex between black men who lead “straight” lives. King explores his own past as a DL man, and the path that led him to let go of the lies and bring forth a message that can promote emotional healing and open discussions about relationships, sex, sexuality, and health in the black community. Authors: J. L. King and Karen Hunter.

The vast majority of the world’s sexual minority population — an estimated 83 percent of those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual — keep their orientation hidden from all or most of the people in their lives, according to a new study by the Yale School of Public Health that could have major implications for global public health. Author: Colin Poitras.

This is a captivating journey of a picture-perfect marriage and the devastating effects of a quest for self. Taken from Francine’s heart-wrenching diary, we see Francine, an eternal optimist, and Frank, a dedicated husband and father with a pain too deep to ignore any longer, travel the painful path of a straight spouse and a homosexual husband. As Frank’s repressed urges are aroused, he searches to understand his sexuality, while Francine tries to be supportive as she desperately tries to grasp on to what is slowly slipping away. Francine’s passion for forgiveness gives her courage and great strength to help Frank on his quest. Author: Dr. Francine Barbetta.

UK television star Philip Scofield came out as gay after 27 years of marriage in early 2020. Author P.L. Sheffield asks “What’s Stephanie Schofield’s story?”

On the Oprah Winfrey Show , in 2004, JL King made “on the down low”-married men having sex with other men-a household expression, wrote about his life on the down low, and exposed his marriage to Brenda Stone Browder to the world (without discussing it with her or so much as giving her the book to read before he appeared on Oprah). Years of deception had led to him being found out and told to leave his home and family. He lied, putting Brenda’s life at risk, and breaking his vows. Browder and King shared Oprah’s stage in 2010 to tell more of the story. Diary of a Cover Girl will take it deeper. As a minister and ex-wife of “On The Down Low” author J. L. King, Browder tells how, after being in a down low marriage, she reclaimed her life. In her new book, she advises others how to recognize-and leave-before the “DL” literally costs them their lives. While King exposed the problem, bringing much needed recognition to this lifestyle and its dangers, Browder tells how to deal with it. Author: Brenda Stone Browder.

Author P.L. Sheffield writes about the sense of betrayal after a spouse comes out and shatters the illusion that a marriage is real.

This is Brenda’s inspiring account of overcoming pain and betrayal to find her mission in life – helping other women know they are not alone and that there is a way to turn their hurt and isolation into forgiveness and healing. With honesty and wisdom Brenda shares her journey through what she thought was a fairy tale marriage to the shocking discovery that put her life in a tailspin. She guides with assurance and and warmth, advising women on how to have that talk with their kids, how to let go of the pain and how to trust and love again. Authors: Brenda Stone Browder and Karen Hunter.

NPR reports on the experience of one Mixed Orientation Relationship. Author: Cheri Lawson.

Imagine…..You have finally met Mr. Right. He’s handsome, sexy, charming, intelligent, articulate, and financially successful. He even portrays the role of an excellent father. He does not smoke, drink or use drugs and he has a decent credit history. You marry him and buy your dream house in the suburbs. Your children attend the best schools and you live in a wonderful neighborhood. You’re finally living the American dream, but one day you wake up and realize Your Prince Charming is really a lying Queen. You can’t believe it. It can’t be true. No… not him and no not you, but deep in your heart, you know it’s true. All the pieces of the puzzle were there…. but, you couldn’t connect the dots because your heart refused to believe what your brain and your intuition were telling you. You discover your husband is secretly sleeping with men. He is part of the secretive subculture known as the down-low. You feel shocked and disgusted, ashamed, humiliated, angry, stupid, foolish, victimized, hurt, betrayed, deceived, shattered, confused, devastated and used. You feel dirty, violated and terrified about the possibility of being infected with HIV or some other nasty STD. You find yourself on an emotional roller coaster, plunging deep into despair, desperate to get off. You search frantically for answers, validation for your feelings and even something… anything to prove you wrong. You surf the net desperately seeking information. However, you discover that the on-line support groups are geared toward helping the gay person come to terms with their own sexuality, but nothing to help you. You are left feeling ignored, overlooked and victimized all over again. The purpose of this book is to provide support and resources for the wives, lovers and families that have been victimized by homosexual men masquerading as straight. We believe our lives should be in our own hands and not in the hands of those who only speak about this subject to defend the down-low, to further misinform women and/or to make money. Author: Joy Marie.