Research

This qualitative study describes the marital relationship experiences of Orthodox Jewish gay men in mixed-orientation marriages. In-depth interviews were conducted with 21 men from the northeastern part of North America about their experiences of being gay in their Orthodox religious communities. Spontaneous accounts of their experiences within the marital relationship were reported by all participants. A content analysis revealed four primary themes: reasons for getting married, the role of the Orthodox community in sustaining the marriage, quality of the marital relationship, and the impact of homosexuality on the marital relationship. Findings suggest that religion and the Orthodox community play a major role in gay Orthodox Jewish men’s decision to marry and in sustaining the marriage. In addition, findings suggest that the marital relationship is experienced as a task-centered teamwork and not as a source of support and intimacy. Finally, although rarely discussed in the relationship, their sexual orientation greatly influences these men’s attitudes, behaviors, and feelings toward their wives.

In the current study, the attitudes, behaviors and experiences of 26 gay or bisexual men who were married to a woman are examined. Data are provided on childhood family background and experiences, sexual practices with men, reasons for entering marriage, and the “coming out” process. The frequency of childhood sexual experiences was associated with unsafe sexual practices with other men in adulthood. Attitudes toward lesbians and gay men were more negative now than at the time of marriage. The two most frequent reasons for marriage were that it seemed natural, and a desire for children and family life. The results support the hypothesis that internalised homophobia is a factor that leads men into mixed-orientation marriages. Cognitive consistency theory is used to explain the eventual marriage breakdown.

A clinical sample of women who were currently or previously married were surveyed regarding demographics, homosexual experiences before marriage, problems in marriage, and sexual orientation. The average age of the 45 participants was 35.9. Before marriage, 21 (47%) were somewhat aware of their homosexual feelings but were much less likely to have thought of or identified themselves as homosexuals. Sexual difficulties were very common in these marriages (89%), the most cited sexual difficulty being a lack of sexual desire for their spouse (62%). Based upon Kinsey-type ratings, the sample could be described as almost exclusively heterosexual in behavior and fantasies before marriage. Some changes could be seen during marriage toward more of a homosexual orientation. The dramatic change, however, occurred following marriage, when the women reported even more of a homosexual orientation, tending toward the homosexual end of the Kinsey continuum. At the time of the study, a majority of the sample was, in fact, relating almost exclusively to other women. This study found that, compared to homosexual men who have been married, these women are more likely to marry at an earlier age, unlikely to be aware of their homosexual feelings prior to marriage, and more likely to terminate their marriage earlier because of conflicts arising as a result of their bisexual orientation and sexual dissatisfaction.