Dr. Ben Schilaty, a social work professor and therapist, explains the six stages of coming out, first observed by Dr. Vivienne Cass in the 1970’s, and the experiences of LGBT+ spouses going through these stages. This conversation aims to shed light on the various behaviors straight spouses may witness from their LGBT+ partners, as well as to give context to straight spouses’ experiences as their partners progress through the various stages.
Ben is the author of A Walk In My Shoes: Questions I am Often Asked as a Gay Latter Day Saint and cohosts the podcast “All Out in the Open” with his friend Charlie Bird. He is a cofounder of the Gather Conference which offers Christ-centered support to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints and those who love them.
Website: https://www.benschilaty.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/benschilaty/
Podcast: https://questionsfromthecloset.com
Boy, I sure wish my gay ex husband’s therapist would have included my daughter and I in on some of his therapy sessions. It would have prevented so much hatred and extreme anger. I like what you said about it paving the path for future amicability! Now, we are divorced, perhaps it’s too late? We were married for 24 years!
I believe that this closeted is a form of mental illness that comes with pathological lying and underlying conditions. Many are father issues and timing of coming out. All said the wish I didn’t hurt you doesn’t resonate or matter in their scope. They completely knew all along the trauma they were infusing. It is a reward for their trauma.