OurPath does not condone careless disclosure or “outing,” (publicly disclosing an LGBT+ Partner’s sexual orientation or gender identity before they are ready), especially for malicious or spiteful reasons. The repercussions of outing can be traumatic for entire families, including children, and can end up backfiring, with negative consequences for all involved. OurPath is here to help you find ways to cope constructively with your anger. Outing creates more problems than it solves.

That said, Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People need, deserve and have a right to support from others. The closet is an isolating and traumatic place, and it is not healthy to be in there alone, especially when the closet you are in is someone else’s. Support is critical to the mental and emotional well-being of anyone navigating a major change in their relationship like this. In order to get that necessary support, Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People must be able to reach out to someone. We recommend negotiating with your LGBT+ Partner (if possible) to tell a small circle of agreed upon confidants: a counselor, therapist or spiritual leader, and a close friend or a family member.

The question of disclosing to family or a wider community invites other negotiations. Straight Partners may choose to remain in the closet with their LGBT+ Partner for a time while the questions of whom to tell and how to tell them are considered by the couple. Coming out to any children, family, friends, faith communities and colleagues are different processes and the consequences of coming out publicly (family, social, communal, financial, emotional) must be weighed carefully.

Ideally, a couple will navigate this coming out process as a team. But that is not always possible. Disclosing your partner’s LGBT+ status is even more complicated if your LGBT+ Partner is not willing to negotiate in good faith, is hostile to the Straight Partner’s need for support, if there is abuse, (physical or psychological), gaslighting, trauma or infidelity that threatens the health of you or your family or threatens to expose the LGBT+ in some unflattering way. In these cases, Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People need to make their own decisions about who to tell in order to get the necessary guidance and support they need to protect themselves and their families. But be wary of any potential legal ramifications of public disclosures.

Over the longer term, many Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People have intense and deeply personal stories that need and deserve telling in a larger context once time and distance have brought new perspectives to their experiences. Just as every LGBT+ Partner has a story, every Straight Partner or Partner of a Trans Person has a story. We all get to decide to whom we tell our own stories and when. In telling our stories, we heal each other. Check out the OurVoices Podcast to hear more Straight Partners’ and Partners of Trans Peoples’ stories.