In brief: kindly, truthfully, respectfully, and transparently. According to the Pew Research Center, “For lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgender people, realizing their sexual orientation or gender identity and sharing that information with family and friends is often a gradual process that can unfold over a series of years.” It is important to remember that the years of your life it takes you to come to terms with your sexuality are also years of your partner’s life. You may have been grappling with your sexual/gender identity for weeks, months, or years; if you have not disclosed this to your partner, they have not had nearly as long to come to terms with your sexuality as you have. All the burden, pressure and fear you may have felt while you were “in the closet” is immediately transferred to your partner upon disclosure, and they will need time and space to process this information, what it means about their past history with you, your family, your children, and what it means for the future of the relationship. The more compassion, respect and honesty you can bring to these ongoing conversations, the better for all involved. And the sooner you are able to make this disclosure, the sooner everyone in the family can live honest, authentic lives as all people deserve.

Please refer to our Resources for the LGBT+ Partner for our comprehensive Guide to Coming as LGB to Your Spouse or Partner and our Guide to Coming Out as Transgender to Your Spouse or Partner for more information.