Guest: Michael Slepian
Michael Slepian is the leading expert on the psychology of secrets and author of The Secret Life of Secrets. Slepian has authored more than fifty articles on secrecy, truth, and deception. We talk about why people keep their sexual orientation and gender identity secret (among other secrets), how secrets impact both the secret keeper and those that secrets are kept from, and whether or not it’s ethical to keep a secret from someone who has a stake in knowing the truth (such as a spouse or partner).
Website: https://www.columbia.edu/~ms4992/
The podcast was understandably more skewed towards the reasons and problems of the secret keeper, because that is the area of his research. Kristin did a great job talking to him about the effects on the person the secret is being kept from (the vast majority of straight partners!). He lost me briefly when he talked about needing to understand the feelings of the person who has been keeping the secret from us, especially since many or most of us do, in the midst of our hurt, feel a certain amount of pity for their secret keeping LGB or T partners.
This podcast was amazing! I was with the person who he had never intended to come out to. His brother knew but obviously kept it as if he was/is his brothers keeper… The reveal was like someone had killed a part of me. Of course I felt every emotion and am still trying to process it. I don’t believe time heals all wounds……