In 2001 when my wife came out and told me she was gay, I didn’t believe her at first. I began a campaign to help her get over her current “feelings” (a mid-life crisis?) and get us back to our happy, fulfilling marriage. We had recently become ‘empty nesters’ and had envisioned a life of doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. My plan didn’t work. She was already going to counseling and I suggested we both go because I just didn’t believe she could possibly be gay (she always used the word ‘gay’ instead of ‘lesbian’). As a couple we started going to a different counselor who was also gay (at my request) and I soon learned that having a heterosexual-acting spouse did not mean that she couldn’t also be gay. I was devastated. I thought I must be the only guy in the whole world with a gay wife. I’d never felt so lost and alone. Our counselor gave each of us Amity’s book, The Other Side of The Closet, and I discovered OurPath (then the SSN). After contacting SSN, I found a support group in Atlanta and I immediately joined. The support group and Amity’s book saved me, helped me understand that I was not alone, and gave me support to begin recovering and dealing with the aftermath – divorce, selling our home, telling the kids (3 of mine and 2 of hers), deciding where I wanted to live and buying a new house. I learned that OurPath is a non-profit that relies on donations from supporters, so I began giving.
The more I’ve learned about OurPath and its efforts to support Straight Partners all over the world, the more I’ve felt the need to give whatever I could. OurPath plays several critical roles, but I found two of them to be the most important for me: 1) a resource for people to call or contact via the web, and 2) connection to Support Groups. That’s the direct source for people who need help, and often they need it immediately because the shock of finding out your spouse isn’t who or what you thought they were can be so devastating. I hope more people and organizations will support OurPath with the funding necessary to provide this invaluable service.
Mike T.
